Why the Unlearning Journey Is Difficult: Embracing the Discomfort of Growth
Unlearning is not just about letting go of old ideas—it’s about unraveling the very fabric of how we’ve been taught to see the world. It’s a process that calls us to question the assumptions we’ve inherited, the beliefs we’ve built our lives upon, and the systems that shape our understanding of ourselves and others. While the unlearning journey can lead to profound transformation and liberation, it is often a challenging, uncomfortable, and deeply emotional process.
Confronting What We Were Taught
From an early age, we’re socialized into dominant narratives that define what is “normal,” “good,” and “true.” These narratives are often rooted in colonialism, capitalism, patriarchy, and other systems of oppression. They teach us to value individualism over community, productivity over well-being, and hierarchy over equality.
Unlearning these narratives means confronting the ways we’ve internalized them. It requires us to see how they shape our thoughts, actions, and relationships, even when they harm us or others. This can feel disorienting, as if the ground beneath us is shifting. It forces us to acknowledge that some of the things we’ve believed in—things that may have brought us comfort or a sense of identity—were never truly ours to begin with.
Facing Discomfort and Resistance
The unlearning journey is deeply uncomfortable because it involves peeling back layers of privilege, bias, and false certainty. It’s not easy to admit that we’ve participated in systems of harm, even unintentionally. This discomfort often triggers resistance, both within ourselves and from those around us.
Friends, family, or colleagues may resist our unlearning because it challenges their own beliefs or disrupts the status quo. We may feel isolated or misunderstood as we begin to shift our perspectives. Internally, we may resist the process out of fear—fear of losing our sense of self, fear of making mistakes, or fear of what lies on the other side of unlearning.
Navigating Loss and Grief
Unlearning often involves a sense of loss. As we dismantle old frameworks, we may grieve the loss of certainty, belonging, or identity tied to those frameworks. For example, unlearning internalized colonial or capitalist values may force us to reevaluate our career choices, relationships, or lifestyle. It’s natural to feel unmoored or even nostalgic for the familiar, even when we know it no longer serves us.
This grief is compounded by the awareness of systemic harm. As we unlearn, we begin to see the world’s injustices more clearly—how land has been stolen, how people have been marginalized, and how systems of power perpetuate suffering. This awakening can feel heavy, and it takes time to process the weight of these truths.
The Power of Relational Support
Despite its challenges, the unlearning journey is not one we have to take alone. Relational approaches to unlearning emphasize the importance of community, connection, and collective care. When we surround ourselves with others who are also committed to questioning and re-imagining, we find support in the discomfort and strength in the shared work of transformation.
Unlearning is difficult because it disrupts the very foundations of how we’ve been taught to live. But within this disruption lies the possibility of something new: a life guided by relationality, justice, and connection. It’s a journey of unbecoming so that we can begin again—this time, with open eyes, open hearts, and a deeper commitment to the world we wish to create.
An Invitation
If you’re finding the unlearning journey hard, know that you’re not alone. It’s meant to be difficult. Growth always is. But it’s also worth it. The discomfort is a sign that you’re doing the work, peeling back the layers, and moving closer to your truth. Lean into it, and remember: unlearning isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence, humility, and the courage to imagine something better.
