Why Is It So Hard to Be a Parent These Days?

Parenting has always been a challenging journey, but today it often feels like an impossible one. We are told to be everything: nurturing, patient, available, productive, and perfect—all while navigating a world that isolates us, judges us, and provides little support. The expectations are higher than ever, yet the resources to meet those expectations have disappeared. So why is it so hard to be a parent these days?

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

In our modern world, parenting has become a performance. Social media, parenting books, and societal pressures create an unattainable ideal of perfection. We are told to craft nutritious meals, cultivate screen-free activities, and raise independent, emotionally intelligent children—all while excelling in our careers and maintaining our relationships. This constant striving sets us up for failure, as no one can live up to such an impossible standard.

As I explore in my PhD research on trauma and relationality, this fixation on perfection is a product of the dominant ontology—an individualistic worldview that prioritizes productivity, control, and competition. It disconnects us from relational ways of being and fuels the belief that success or failure lies solely on our shoulders. This perspective isolates parents, making it harder to seek help or share struggles for fear of judgment.

The Loss of the Village

Our ancestors didn’t parent alone. Historically, parenting was a communal effort, with grandparents, neighbors, and extended family all playing a role in raising children. This “village” provided emotional support, shared responsibilities, and collective wisdom. Today, however, many parents find themselves isolated, far from family or community, and expected to do it all themselves.

This lack of support is not just a personal challenge; it’s a systemic issue. As systems of care—such as accessible childcare, equitable workplaces, and community networks—continue to erode, parents are left to fill the gaps. The result is burnout, guilt, and an overwhelming sense of inadequacy.

The Relational Answer

Parenting doesn’t have to feel this way. A relational approach to parenting reminds us that we are not meant to do this alone. It invites us to reimagine parenting as a shared, communal process where connection and care are prioritized over perfection. This means not only rebuilding personal support networks but also advocating for systemic change that values parents and children alike.

Relational parenting also challenges the idea of perfection, replacing it with authenticity. Our children don’t need perfect parents—they need present ones. By focusing on connection over control, we create spaces for mutual growth, resilience, and healing.

An Invitation

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the weight of parenting, you’re not alone. The challenges you face are not a reflection of your inadequacy but of a society that has forgotten how to care for caregivers. What would it look like to ask for help, to build community, or to release the pressure to be perfect?

Parenting is hard, but it doesn’t have to be isolating. Let’s rediscover the village—whether by leaning on friends, joining communities, or reimagining systems of care—and create a world where parents and children alike can thrive.