The Violence of Perfection: How Colonial Ontologies Shape “Normal”
The idea of “normal” often feels like a neutral concept—a standard to strive for, a benchmark for health, success, or behaviour. But beneath this seemingly innocuous idea lies a violent history rooted in colonial ontologies. The pursuit of “normal” has been used to justify exclusion, oppression, and harm, shaping societies in ways that disconnect us from ourselves, each other, and the Earth.
Colonial systems introduced rigid categories of what is deemed acceptable or desirable, imposing standards that prioritize productivity, control, and uniformity over diversity, community, and relationality. These standards often erased Indigenous ways of knowing, dismissed alternative ways of being, and pathologized those who did not conform. The legacy of this violence persists today, influencing how we think about success, health, and even healing.
The Harmful Roots of “Normal”
The concept of “normal” emerged as part of colonial modernity, where control over people, land, and resources became central to societal structures. Defining what is “normal” served as a tool for categorizing and marginalizing those who fell outside of these boundaries—whether due to race, gender, ability, or cultural practices.
This worldview infiltrated systems of education, healthcare, and governance, creating a hierarchy of values that dehumanized and excluded. For example, mental health systems often pathologize behaviours or experiences that deviate from Eurocentric norms, framing them as disorders to be fixed rather than expressions of cultural or personal diversity.
The Violence of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is one of the most insidious ways that colonial ontologies manifest in our lives. The demand for perfection reinforces the idea that we must conform to narrow definitions of success or worthiness, often at the expense of our well-being. This pursuit erodes relationality, as it isolates individuals in their striving and disconnects them from the messiness and beauty of human diversity.
In this framework, people are valued for their productivity and adherence to rigid standards, rather than for their connections, contributions to community, or unique ways of being. This creates cycles of shame, burnout, and disconnection, perpetuating the very harms that the idea of “normal” claims to address.
Re-imagining Normal Through Relationality
Breaking free from the violence of “normal” requires embracing relational ontologies that honour diversity, connection, and interdependence. Relational perspectives reject the idea that there is one “right” way to be, instead valuing the many ways of existing, knowing, and healing.
This approach invites us to unlearn perfectionism and to re-imagine health, success, and well-being as relational processes rather than individual achievements. It asks us to celebrate imperfection as a natural part of life and to view differences not as deficits but as gifts that enrich our communities.
An Invitation
What would it look like to let go of the pursuit of perfection and embrace the beauty of imperfection? How might your life change if you saw “normal” not as a goal to achieve but as a story to rewrite?
I invite you to question the standards that have been imposed on you, to reconnect with the relationships that sustain you, and to imagine a world where diversity is celebrated, not erased. Together, we can challenge the violence of “normal” and create a future where everyone is valued for who they truly are.
